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Sunday, January 2nd, 2005
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I haven't written in here in a long time..I haven't written at all. My muse has abandoned me. *sigh*
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Torn between the virtue and the shadow
breaking every rule
Don't know whats inside me anymore
or what life I belong to
Wonder who's to blame for my inner misery
the pain inside tells me
Can't accept the fates decisions
nor do what I've been told
Writhing to escape the bindings I've been given
hoping for a helping hand
Truth escapes the eyes of the wounded
and yet mine see it all.
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Thursday, February 12th, 2004
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Help me.
This life I've lived has created a flaw within
a dark hole consuming me, brimming with sin
faded wings, long ago discarded desires
after this, my eyes now lack their fires..
Save me?
One second to be insane, one to be pained
infinity to create what's destined to be destroyed
giving everything that I could have ever been
to the one who died, to the slightest whim
Release me.
tear through the heart, tear me from the inside
push down my soul, leave me far behind
just let it all die, just bring me to my last goodbye
watch the pieces fall apart through my weakened grip.
Hold me?
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Saturday, January 31st, 2004
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How long I lived in places of light and dances.
How far were told the stories of our golden halls,
of our silent nights and unending romances.
The beauty surrounding surpassed so many.
How sweet were the sunrises in the place,
the place the sun slept in it's hiding.
How lovely were the stars when you could reach,
reach and touch their silken tears.
How broken were the days when I sinned
when I reached out for the wrong whim.
How ripped apart was my heart to see
the silvery wings and touches leaving me.
How long the fall was, grasping onto clouds
trying to claw apart the world that was leaving
as my wings shattered to the iced earth
falling with frozen blood on tear stained cheeks
How dead I was, when I looked up to my heaven
and knew I would not be let back in.
How much to return and live I wished
and all was for the desire of a single kiss.
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Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
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I suppose a story should be told. I've come to realize my intimate is no one and that I'm left in this world so silver and cold with nothing to protect me but your voice. Yet you repulse me the way you come so near, who said you could touch me anyway? The way I hate the world makes me think, perhaps I just happen to bleed black, apart from the rest. Perhaps I've changed, I know I remember that I waved as I passed myself along the way. You have never been my saviour, you watched me dying, you did nothing for me. You let me slip away. You try to come to me, your sanctuary, but I will have you no longer. You try to take my hand, I'll take everything from you. I've walked away again but this time I won't return. Tired of the pain you cause. Do you want to feel the warmth? Then cut your own throat for the blood, not mine. Now you're gonna feel it. So just sit and stare as I walk away.
I want to go back to the world where everyone was dancing. I want to go back, waiting, I despair for what shall never return. As the mourning grows I slip away, trying to regain my soul. Trying to get back the world that used to be mine, before you broke down the walls. My world used to be like the flutter of wings, simple in it's beauty. But we all have no chance of regaining it do we? There aren't angels in anyone anymore.
I'm rising up again to a world that I don't want. I came here in darkness, and I lost myself along the way. I suppose, I am becoming what you've told me I would be. Hated...hated but free.
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Sunday, December 28th, 2003
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slam the nail beneath the bone..
crush the vein within it's flesh tomb
shove blade into sheltered womb..
wreck what they think is home
out to kill, waiting to maim
won't let them cut into me again
blood to spill and eyes to shut
tired of being the one who's hurt
driving glass deep into skin
the air around me stirring with sin
chained, restrained, they scream
of their painless death they dream
twist the muscles beyond repair
use their tears to feed your despair
rip apart the softest hearts
in these tortures I love to take part
--------------
There, a non depressing one.
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Saturday, December 27th, 2003
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hidden deep in this little broken place
points and daggers, bloodied tastes
awaken to nothing but my own marred face
with all the time in the world to waste
no one to turn to, everything to hide
one sheltered soul to turn the tide
by my rules alone you shall abide
and only in my soul can I confide
deserving of only the worst things
of lost tortures and broken wings
I'm here to take the worst they can bring
times when the burning voices sing
living in the reflection of love in your eyes
in complicated truths and simple lies
I'm the one you turn to with your sighs
with your fake pain and your goodbyes
I've hidden deep in this broken little place
with only fractured memories of your once loving face...
-9:45 pm 12/27/03
Well I made the other journal friends only, which I am sad to say because there were some people that read it regularly who are not part of the livejournal scene. But there was just too much I wanted to say in pretty much every journal entry that I knew shouldn't be read by some people. So now I guess I'll have to make a few people get onto LJ and friend them so they can read it, as I shan't make this my primary journal and it will remain my stories and such journal.
But whatever, things happen. But this did dissapoint me a bit. People just suck sometimes.
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Monday, December 22nd, 2003
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I'm a lot of things you'll never see.
I am my family, and yet in whole just me.
I love and hate like any other.
I'd die and kill for my sister or brother.
Yet I'm abandoned and lost, like any other creature, covered in dust.
I am not what some percieve.
Not a lost child, nor apt to leave.
Stars and beauty, shimmer and shine,
I am not yours, but only mine.
I hide from dreams, hide from light, find my suffering in the night.
I'm the lost goddess, the burning succubi,
bleeding poet, lost in your eyes.
You can leave me and hurt me to the core,
and I'll still be yours forever more.
God damn I hate when I make poetry oh so true...
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Tuesday, December 16th, 2003
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shattered wings, splintered bones
raging violence, broken homes
twisted lies, damned desires
sickening pains, dying liars
all bring about the flaming pyres..
muffled screams, hatred rising
soulfull dreams, ever hidden
lost sighs, and eyes forbidden
kingdoms of the old messiahs
is where they've burnt the succubi...
*yawns* goodnight.
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Sunday, December 14th, 2003
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Dear Die-ary, (7-2-02)
Well of all the luck, she hasn't come to, and it's been hours. I got up a while ago to maybe offer her a snack because she didn't seem like such a bad person when she was unconcious and all. Most people seem a lot better when they can't talk or move for that matter. Turns out I had accidentally killed her, haha! I felt kind of bad because I wanted her to experiance more of the torture so that death would be a release and all but I guess she wasn't up to it.
That made me sad. I guess I'll stop by an elementary school to take out a few teachers tommorow then.
Dear Die-ary, (7-29-02)
The football team was a lot of fun to have over. They weren't too smart though, so it took them a while to figure out that this wasn't a frat prank and that they really were being maimed, tortured, and killed, but it was a barrel of laughs after that. I think they got it at about the point where I took off the quarterback's head. Or was it the slicing through that one guys torso? Oh well I'll never know, some things were meant to be a mystery.
I still feel bad about that girl. Oh look there's a mormon coming to my door. I'll be back in a while, I've got to go get my machette.
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Ooh aren't I neat? So I was bored n'stuff. I just wanted to write out a good torture or whatnot scene so I did that with part 1. I wasn't gonna make this more than one entry, but I figured it needed a bit more of an ending. So yay. Ignore me. I'm just, me. I write stuff. Yea!
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
thecrackinyou's journal
depressed.
blah.
bored.
aggravated.
sleepy.
artistic.